insight on trials!

Jayla has been so excited to go to Las Vegas soon to see her cousin's and grandparents, its always hard to compete with grandparents right! Jayla loves to sing and act out movies! Kekoa has just had the sweetest spirit about him lately and he just loves his family so much it is so wonderful to see him like this! Kai is going to be walking soon and if we do not pay attention to him, he will make sure we know he is there by screaming or grunting! Josh just finished finals last week and then his big 29th birthday is coming up cant believe how time flies!So our trip to salt lake  went okay we found out Kekoa has asthma and are still waiting for chromosome test results! Genetics is waiting to decide where to go from here and the new neurologist feels the need to talk to all the other neurologist at primary children's to decide what needs to be done. Sometimes these appointments can be very depressing because you are hoping for advice and answers, which I have come to learn that they dont always have answers. Its funny how when we go to a doctor we expect so much from them right! We want answers, reassurance, and most of all a cure to fix what ever is going on, if only life was that easy and not as complicated. I feel as though we forgot they are human just like us, they do not have all the answers to every symptom or problem our bodies face. They have to go with the information they have, their training and sometimes personal instinct. We as patients put a lot of faith and trust in their hands and sometimes the out comes are not as great and we feel as though these doctor gods have let us down. I am learning that it is human nature to want things to be a quick easy fix, so that we dont have to suffer pain and heartache. I have chosen to try and remember when I feel this way of Christ when he is suffering in Gethsemane, he cries out to Heavenly father  to take the pain away and Im sure he felt like why are you not answering me have you forgotten me and then he digs down deep within his spirit an realizes but it not be my will but thine will be done!! We chose to come down to earth to take upon pain, heartache, happiness, triumph, disappointment and all the challenges that comes with this mortal journey. We were confident and had faith that this was a small price to pay to have eternal life right?! Then we go through these challenges or awful trials that have some purpose behind them whether it be for us to grow and learn from, or accepting the lords will! How quick are we to forget these things, yes its natural  and its ok to feel sorry for ourselves at times but its also important for us to remember we can not dwell on the things we can not change! I have struggled with why hasn't the lord answered my prayers; for example Kekoa's life I have prayed for answers and had faith that things would be answered an it has not happened! I have felt as though why should I keep praying for him to help kekoa or help the doctors to find things cause obviously he is not listening or doesn't want to answer my prayers!  Then I read my scriptures and I just realized this!!  I am not ready for him to answer my prayers! I think I am and I think I know whats best and I am wanting a quick fix because I dont want to see my boy suffer any more and guess what that is not my call to make! The lord will answer my prayers on his time table and he is giving me piece by piece  according to my faith and what he knows I can handle at this time! I know I am not ready for all of those answers and I know the lord has so very much to teach me and yes it hurts and yes its painful at times but I am so so very glade he is in control and not me! Patience is a hard thing to learn especially when you have a little one suffering and the family is suffering with him but kekoa is a warrior he is strong and that is why he has been given the challenges he has it is not my place to take them away but to help him get through them the best I can. I look at it like this say your child cheats on his math test and the teacher catches him and they call you  explain what happened and give you the choice of what to do, well you choose not to do anything at all but what do we as parents take away from our children by doing this. We do not give them the opportunity to learn from those choices that they make and that those choices have consequences. May not be the greatest example my point is that we can not take our kids trials away even though we would like to we have to help them learn and grow from them, I know the savior has taught me with each trial I look back and he knew I needed that trial to help my faith and testimony grow, to help me be a better person. I will never understand why my family is going through the trails we are and I do not need to know, but I do know through faith, prayer, and scripture we are closer than we ever have been. We have so many things to work on like balance, Family Home evening, relationships with our father and heaven and our families  but its all about baby steps! My father in heaven has never given up on me, even with all the doubts that I have faced and will continue you to face but I know and am committed to saying I will never ever give up on him, he knows whats best he see's the bigger picture! I can say that its amazing how little kids live so close to the spirit and how the littlest things make them happy and how excited they are to go to church and learn! We as parents should strive to be the same way and never forget its the little things in life that make it worth living!